The One and Only Shells

I've been meaning to point out to my fellow New York-type people that you've been missing out on one of best shows in town. Meet Michelle "Shells" Haylie Hoffman, a lonely-hearts senior analyst at JP Morgan whose binge-drinking, date-stalking, Carrie Bradshaw-worshiping shame spirals have been setting Joe's Pub on fire throughout 2008. Hope you'll join me at her November show at the Zipper Factory; you can bet that songs will be sung, exes will be drunk-dialed, and new thresholds of "rock bottom" will be explored. Here are a few highlights:

• After Shells' hints about a guest appearance by Moby have proven to be hopelessly deluded, an 11th hour visitor transforms the evening...

• Shells tries to woo one-night stand Scott back into her life by giving her cat a more dude-friendly name.

• Shells' recent vanity project, a self-produced, self-starring independent film adaptation of Madame Bovary.